Love *Really* Hurts
by Euterpe1014
Summary: What happens when the Gundam pilots get mono? Lots of shonen-ai/yaoi, and *gasp* this almost has a plot! Rated R just to be on the safe side.


Love *Really* Hurts  
by Euterpe  
  
  
Disclaimer: *Enter Japanese Duo, to the strains of "Kitto OK!"* "Konnichiwa, minna! Japanese Duo here! Euterpe asked me to do the disclaimer for this fic, because she's afraid she may end up offending Duo fans with this story. Gomen nasai, Duo fans. Euterpe assures me that she has nothing against my character personally, she just thought this story was just a cute idea. Plus, she thinks that the dubbed American Duo's a baka. Personally, I agree with her. I am far superior to him. If you would like to see an example, I have with me several clips from original episodes of Gundam Wing in Japanese, with subtitles. Observe:"   
  
*Scene begins. It is from the epsiode when Duo attempts to self-destruct as he is about to be captured by OZ soldiers. Japanese Duo slams his hand on the detonator and shouts to his enemies* "You fuckin' bastards. Tag along on my journey into hell!"  
  
*Return to Disclaimer with Japanese Duo* "And now, the same scene in the English translation:"  
  
*American version of scene begins. American Duo copies the actions of his Japanese counterpart, while speaking somewhat different lines* "You meanies. I don't like you. Now Duo go bye-bye!"  
  
*Scene ends, return to Japanese Duo* "See what I'm talking about? They've defamed my character. I deserve better. Did you know that in real life, I'm actually a professor of Medieval Italian Literature at the University of Tokyo? I've also written several novels. I guarantee I've never even /been/ surfing before..." *is interrupted by American Duo, who has somehow made his way onstage*  
  
*American Duo* "Hey, no one insults the Great Destroyer and gets away with it!" *Japanese Duo snickers* "Great Destroyer? I don't know who you're talking about! /I/ am Shinigami, the God of Death! I don't know about /you/ though. Was it a fluke in the translation, perhaps?" *American Duo furrows his brows* "Fluke? What's that mean? Is that like an insult or something? Well, I think you're a- um..."  
  
*Japanese Duo smirks in self-satisfaction* "Begone, inferior creation! Leave my sight immediately!" *American Duo runs away in tears* "Ano, now where was I? Oh yes, my illustrious career..." *Two figures, Katoru and Torowa, emerge from offstage, and begin to drag Japanese Duo away* "Matte, I'm not done yet! I didn't get to the disclaimer part. 'Euterpe doesn't own Gundam Wing.' There. I said it. You'll never stop me. Ha! I am Shinigami..." *Katoru shakes his head* "We're terribly sorry about this, minna. Usually we manage to keep him sedated, but somehow he managed to escape us. Just try and ignore his rantings, and bear in mind that they don't necessarily reflect Euterpe's views on his character. Now that he is gone, we may proceed with the rest of the fic. Enjoy!"  
  
  
Warning: In case you might've missed it in the summary, thar be shonen-ai/yaoi in these parts...1x2, 4x3, and some other stuff...so tread carefully. Also, most of this is completely OOC, but hey, it's fanfiction, so I'm allowed to pull these kinds of things...  
  
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*Ding-Dong* The doorbell sounded at Quatre's mansion #891 (Copyright AC195, Overused Plot Devices, Inc.). Chang Wufei looked up from polishing his katana, sighed, and got up to answer the door. An overly perky girl wearing a beret atop her purple Noin-styled hair stood there, holding a grocery bag. "Hilde. I suppose you're here to see Maxwell."  
  
"Right!" the girl replied, in a bubbly, over-the-top voice. "I heard Duo's got mono, so I'm here to cheer him up."  
  
Wufei's lips curled into a sinister smile. "He's right upstairs. I'll bring you there myself."  
  
*****  
  
Heero and Duo could hear their footsteps and Hilde's incessant chatter long before she arrived with Wufei at the bedroom door. "Oh crap, it's Hilde," muttered Duo. "You've gotta hide somewhere, Heero. She doesn't know about the two of us yet and I get the feeling it would probably freak her out." Heero nodded and reluctantly got out of bed, slipping into the closet and closing the door moments before Hilde entered.  
  
"Hi Duo!" she exclaimed. "How're you feeling? I heard that four of you guys have mono. What happened?"  
  
"That's right," Wufei snorted. "They all got it from Maxwell, because no one ever knows where he's been..."  
  
"Well it's not really my fault. I can't remember what happened the night before I got sick," Duo admitted. "All I know is I woke up floating through space in Deathscythe wth a killer hangover and no pants on. Man, that must've been some party..." he stopped abruptly, as he felt the Death Glare emanating from the closet that was directed towards him. "Ummm...so anyways, it's a beautiful day outside, isn't it?"  
  
Hilde frowned. "It's awful that you got sick, Duo. I hope you feel better soon. I'll be around again in a day or two to check up on you. Oh, by the way, have you seen Heero, Trowa, or Quatre around? I heard they're sick too, and I wanted to stop by their rooms and visit them."  
  
Duo gulped nervously. "Uh...I have no idea where Heero would be...but Quatre and Trowa are in the room down the hall. Just make sure you knock first. They, um, don't like surprises."  
  
"OK. See ya later!" Hilde bounced out of the room.  
  
As soon as she was out the door, Heero slid open the closet door, staggered back over to bed, and laid down, relieved.   
  
Wufei smirked as he prepared to leave. "Ah, so Yuy was hiding in the closet the entire time. No surprise there."  
  
"Omae o korosu," growled Heero as Wufei made his exit.  
  
*****  
  
Meanwhile, Trowa and Quatre were in their room, recovering from the double blows of their illness and Hilde's visit, which had been mercifully short. "What I don't understand," pondered Trowa, "Is exactly how we ended up sick. I must've gotten mono from you, but how did you get it in the first place?" he asked Quatre.  
  
Quatre sweatdropped. "Well I suppose it would've come from Duo," he explained.  
  
Trowa raised his visible eyebrow. "How could you catch mono from him unless the two of you were in close physical contact? No, don't tell me..."  
  
"I'm so sorry, Trowa," the little blond pouted. "It's just that you were on a really long mission last week, and I was just sooo lonely without you that I needed someone to keep me company."  
  
Trowa gave him a hug. "I forgive you, little one. But why /Duo/? There are much better options...like Heero-"  
  
"And how would /you/ know?" Quatre interrupted him.  
  
Now it was Trowa's turn to sweatdrop. "Never mind, let's just forget about it."  
  
Quatre thought for a moment before posing his next question. "Um, Trowa? If the two of us are already sick, there's no risk of spreading the infection to each other, right? So it's OK if we- you know...?" he asked, hopefully.  
  
"If you want to, then-" Trowa stopped abruptly as he was pounced on by Quatre, who was not slowed down in the least by illness.  
  
*****  
  
'Is there no justice for me today?' thought Wufei to himself as he got up to answer the door yet again later that afternoon. He shuddered when he opened it and found himself face-to-face with Relena Peacecraft. 'Quatre needs to get some guard dogs to take care of these unwanted guests,' he mused. But before he could slam the door shut on her face, Relena had already forced her way in and was already halfway up the stairs, with poor Pargan in tow. Wufei shrugged and followed them, anxious for more free entertainment.  
  
"Heero, my little sushi roll, how are you today?" Relena's words as she entered the room and nearly broke down the door caused the Perfect Soldier to cringe in fear. "Heero, I have a letter for you! Actually, no- I just went through your mailbox while I was waiting outside. But there were plenty of things in there for you. Let's see now- one for Heero Yuy, another for Heero Yuy, there's one in here for an Odin Lowe Jr.- I haven't the foggiest idea who /that/ would be though- then another one for you, and look, this one says 'You Might Already be a Winner!' No wait a second, it just says 'Quatre Raberba Winner'. Well, I'd better give this to him. I'll be back soon, my love!" Relena dashed out of the room, failing to even notice Duo's presence in her rush. "Quatre, I have a letter for you!" she called out.  
  
"Quick, lock the door for us," Heero begged Pargan, who nodded his head and followed the directions. As he followed Relena down the hallway, Pargan sighed, his shoulders slouching. 'I didn't have to work for her. I could've been a Gundam pilot. They offered me the position, why didn't I accept it when I had the opportunity?' Suddenly, he heard a loud shriek, which could mean only one thing: Relena had found Trowa and Quatre.  
  
Relena's voice carried easily throughout the hallway. "Oh no! Quatre, are you okay? You fell on top of Trowa, didn't you? And your shirt and pants must've fallen off too! Here, let me help you!"  
  
Trowa and Quatre froze in the middle of what they were doing, looked over at her, and paled. "No, that's OK, Miss Relena. We're fine by ourselves."  
  
"Quatre! How did your hand get stuck down Trowa's pants? He's not hurt, is he?"  
  
"Am I hurting you, Trowa?" Quatre looked concerned.  
  
"Definitely not." his lover reassured him slyly.  
  
"We're fine, Miss Relena. Um, maybe you'd better go now. Thanks for your concern. Just leave my letter on the desk over there. Bye." Quatre was anxious to continue.  
  
"Well, as long as you're OK. I'll see you later. Get better quickly. I'm off to go find my Heero now." Relena scampered off in search of her prey.   
  
"Now where were we?" the Arabian was in the process of disrobing his partner and a long kiss when he was suddenly seized by a coughing fit. "Eww...Well, that definitely killed the mood. Phlegm can be such a turnoff."  
  
*****  
  
"I'm back, my little kamikaze pilot! Did you miss me?" Relena miraculously appeared once again in Heero's room, crawling out the airduct. She had to be a robot or something- she was simply unstoppable. For the first time, she noticed the presence of not one, but two pilots in the room. "Uh, Heero, why is Duo in bed with you? I'm sure that there are enough rooms in the mansion for each of you. You don't need to share."  
  
Heero rolled his eyes. "I've told you already, Relena. You just don't seem to get it. I'm gay, and so is Duo."  
  
Relena was still undeterred. "You're gay? As in happy? Well that's terrific. I think everyone in the world should be happy and gay, 'cause if they were, then everyone could be happy and live in peace!"  
  
"Do you even know what 'gay' means?" Heero sighed. "It means I like boys. You, as hard as it may be for people to believe, are a girl. Therefore I have no interest in you."  
  
Unfortunately, this still didn't register with the Peacecraft princess. "Don't be silly, Heero. Boys like /girls/. They just /can't/ like other boys. That'd be crazy!"   
  
It looked like there was no other way out of their predicament. But then Heero had a brainstorm. "All right, fine. You say that boys should only like girls? Come here and I'll give you a kiss." He could only hope that Relena didn't know about the most common method of spreading mononucleosis.  
  
Relena was elated. This was the moment that her entire life had been leading up to, the moment when her Heero would finally take her in his strong arms, and make her life complete...she sighed at the prospect, and eagerly approached the Wing pilot.  
  
Heero had to call upon all of his training as a soldier to maintain his self-control and stomach the act of kissing the vile creature. But he knew that if his plan worked, he wouldn't be bothered by her again for a long time, at least until her infection cleared. He made sure the kiss was an extra wet one.  
  
"Oh Heero, I knew that one day you'd finally come around and realize we were meant to be together! Goodbye for now, my sweet cup of sake! I'll be back for you tomorrow!" Relena couldn't stay any longer. There was too much for her to do. She still had to tell Pargan and all her friends about what had happened, and she had to get her wedding dress ready and a catering hall reserved...  
  
"Pargan, I have wonderful news for you! Heero finally kissed me. That means that we can get married someday! You must get me home quickly so I can start my preparations." She collected the dazed butler as she whizzed out of the mansion.  
  
"Coming, Miss Relena." Pargan relucantly followed her out the door. Another wasted opportunity. He had been talking with Wufei and he was sure, just /positive/, that the Chinese pilot had been about to let him take Nataku for a test-drive and finally give him the chance to show off his skills. But now, if Relena's frenzied rantings were any indication, he would be spending the next few weeks helping his employer recover from the mono she had just contracted from Heero. "As soon as we get home, I'll call the doctor for you. It looks like you won't be going anywhere for a while, Miss Relena." She failed to catch his meaning, however, and just nodded.  
  
Meanwhile, back in Heero's room...  
"Duo, have you seen the mouthwash anywhere?"  
  
*****  
  
Quatre stretched contentedly and sat up as he waited for Rashid to return with soup for him and Trowa. Thank Allah for the Maguanacs, his corps of 40 faithful servants who were willing to do anything for him without question. And best of all, they refused to accept any payment for their services.   
  
*Cut to scene of Maguanac #21, Abdul (the one with the sunglasses) cruising down the highway in Quatre's '67 (AC 167) red Ford Mustang with the top down, surrounded by supermodels in bikinis. "It's all on me, ladies!" *Abdul yells to his companions, while chucking out handfuls of hundred-dollar bills* 'I just hope that Master Quatre never finds out about any of this...' he thought to himself.*  
  
Back at the Winner Mansion, Rashid was setting down the bowls of soup onto trays in front of Trowa and Quatre. "It was really nice of your sister to send this soup over for us. It's a shame that she couldn't stay for a visit, though." Quatre took a sip of the soup and nearly choked; it was terrible. However, he put on a pleasant smile to reassure Trowa of Catherine's cooking abilites. "She did a wonderful job cooking it, too."   
Trowa stirred his soup with a spoon. "Don't lie. She can't cook to save her life. She went to chefs' school for a week and then dropped out because she thought it was boring. She said the only part that interested her was the lesson on knives." He shuddered slightly at the thought.  
  
"I see that she made gazpacho for us tonight. That must mean your family's Mexican, right?"  
  
"Nope." Trowa replied.  
  
"Okay. Let's see, she made French onion soup for us last week. Are you French?" Quatre offered.  
  
"No." was the response.  
  
Still, the Sandrock pilot was determined not to give up. "Before that, it was wonton soup. Now I know you're not Chinese, correct?"  
  
"Don't think so."  
  
"Argh!" Quatre moaned in frustration. "I give up. Just where /are/ you from?"  
  
"Don't know." Trowa answered, after thinking carefully for a moment. "Hold on, I'll give Catherine a call and ask her." He leaned over and pressed the "on" button for the video communicator that sat on the nightstand, then typed in the number for the circus. A few seconds later, Catherine's face appeared.  
  
"Hello? Trowa, hi! Did you and Quatre enjoy my soup? I can't stay on long, our performance starts in a few minutes. Manager's filling in for you tonight. What's up?"  
  
"We just had a quick question for you, Cathy. Um, do you know exactly what nationality you and I are supposed to be?"  
  
Catherine looked relieved. "So is that all you wanted to know? I figured that something like that would be pretty obvious. I'll tell you right now, so listen carefully. The answer is that we're-" "Catherine!" She heard Manager's voice and quickly turned around. "Hurry up. Your act is next." Catherine turned back to the screen. "Well, I've gotta run. It was nice talking to the two of you again. Feel better!" she cried, running off.  
  
Before Trowa could close the link, Manager came up to the screen and spoke. "/Please/ hurry up and get better. We need you back at the circus. Catherine's been so upset that you're sick that her aim has been off lately, and the next time you see me, I may be singing soprano, if you catch my drift!" He looked around nervously. "Someone, save me!"  
  
"Good luck, Iggy. Just remember, stay really still and don't squirm around too much. It'll hurt less." Trowa advised him.  
  
Quatre piped up. "That's the same thing I tell you every night, Trowa. Maybe if you would listen to me, you wouldn't be so sore the next day." Luckily, Manager had already turned off his communicator and didn't have to listen to this little outburst. Lost in his own thoughts, Trowa also missed the blond's commentary. 'Hm. I guess my own ethnicity is just another one of those mysteries of life I'll never understand." He moved around uncomfortably, trying to shift around his weight to relieve the pain from his rear, which was still rather tender for some reason he couldn't recall...  
  
*****  
  
At the same time, in another part of the mansion, the speaker on another videophone was ringing for an incoming call. "Moshi-moshi. Heero Yuy here. Identify yourself." A woman with only one visible eye and a massive quantity of purple hair obscuring her face appeared on the other end. "It's Lieutenant Noin. Zechs Merquise wants to speak with you again. Zechs! Stop grooming yourself and get over here. Heero's on the line!"  
  
A few seconds later, the Lightning Count entered the room. "How's my hair?" he whispered to Noin, who motioned toward the video screen to show it was on. "Oh right." He hurried over. "Heero Yuy. I haven't forgotten about our battle, which we never completed. Honor demands that we finish our duel. How's tonight sound?"  
  
"Oh, so you're not free for a date tonight, but you've got plenty of time for a fight to the death. Zechs, you spend more time hanging out with this kid than you do with me. Don't you love me?" Noin complained.  
  
"Of course, Hee- I mean, Lucretzia. It's just that we've been putting off this duel for a while now. It's a guy thing, you wouldn't understand. So anyways, Heero, what're you doing tonight?"  
  
"The answer is still no, Zechs. You call me everyday and it's the same thing. Just leave me alone. I'll let you know when I'm ready."  
  
The tall blond frowned. "You keep saying that. What's the matter, I'm not good enough for you anymore? Heero! I'm right here, so come and fight me!"  
  
"Who are you talking to, Heero?" Duo's voice came from the bathroom.   
  
"Uh...no one, Duo. It's just your imagination." Heero knew that Duo was extremely jealous and didn't trust Zechs around him.  
  
"Oh, so I'm no one now. I understand. You've really hurt my feelings, Heero Yuy." Zechs sobbed.  
  
Knowing that Zechs wouldn't be satisfied until he had a reason, Heero racked his brain to come up with an excuse for not being able to duel. 'I can't let the enemy know I'm sick. If OZ knew that four of the Gundam pilots all had mono at the same time, we'd really be in big trouble. Treize would never stop teasing us about it...' "The reason I can't fight you tonight is because...because I have to go dry clean my shorts. Yes, that's it."  
  
"But that's what you said last time!" Zechs wailed.  
  
"Wait- I mean, I have to polish Wing. I know how you hate an unfair fight. If there's dirt on my Gundam, it may give you an unfair advantage."  
  
"That's true. Okay, I'll let you off this time. But you'd better be ready tomorrow. This time we'll fly to another exotic location. How does Easter Island sound to you? Shall we say, seven-ish?"  
  
"Zechs!" Noin whined. "Let's get going! We're gonna miss the movie! 'The Man in the Iron Mask' starts in half an hour, and it looks really good."  
  
"Honestly, Noin, if I didn't know you better, I'd think you have some kind of mask fetish. Last week, you dragged me to 'Phantom of the Opera'. I'm beginning to notice some kind of pattern developing here."  
  
"Nonsense. Now hurry up! I wanna see the previews." She winked at Heero. "I hope you boys feel better soon." Noin spoke softly enough that Zechs wouldn't hear.   
  
Heero closed the link before Duo could catch him "fraternizing" with the enemy. 'Great. Now I have two Peacecrafts stalking me,' he thought. Both Relena and her brother were enemies far more horrifying than he could have possibly imagined...  
  
*****  
  
*fast forward several weeks*  
  
All of the pilots had made a complete recovery and were ready to resume their jobs as terrorists. All of them except Trowa, who remained as sick as ever. In order to recover, he needed to get sleep, or at least time to rest quietly in bed, but with Quatre around, neither had been possible. It was amazing how the tiny Arabian's ardor and stamina had never flagged, even while being sick. Even with all of the training he had undergone as a performer and a soldier, Trowa could not keep up with him and was now desperate to get him away, even if it was only for a couple of hours, so that he could finally get some sleep. The other three pilots were now in the room that Trowa and Quatre shared, trying to convince Quatre to give his love some time alone.  
  
"But Trowa needs me. I'm sure he doesn't want me to leave. He needs to feel better, and I'm making sure of that." Quatre leaned in and whispered seductively into his ear. "You definitely feel better when I'm around, right Trowa?" he emphasized his point by running his hand up and down his chest, making the other pilot shiver in delight. "See? I'm sure he agrees with me."  
  
"Shit! Not again!" All eyes in the room turned to Wufei, whose nose had begun spurting blood.   
  
Quatre was horrified. "Your nose is bleeding, Wufei. What's wrong? You're not getting sick too, are you?" he asked innocently.  
  
"I don't think that's it, little one." Trowa gasped out. He reluctantly pushed Quatre's roaming hands away. "And I think maybe it would be a good idea for you to let me get some sleep for a while."  
  
"But I want to tame you again, my frisky circus lion! Please don't make me leave yet!" But there was nothing Quatre could do, as he was dragged out of the room, kicking and screaming, by Duo and Heero. Wufei followed behind, grasping a handful of tissues to his nose and slamming the door shut, making sure it was locked.  
  
Trowa relaxed and closed his eyes, welcoming the peace and quiet he got to enjoy so rarely. As he drifted off to sleep, he entered Dreamland, a magical place where Heavyarms never ran out of ammo, and /he/ was the one throwing knives at his sibling instead...  
  
*****  
  
The study was a mess. Quatre had torn his office apart as he searched frantically for the keys to his and Trowa's room. 'Hm. They've just gotta be around here somewhere. Maybe in one of these drawers.' He knew he was reaching the Danger Threshold. This meant that if he didn't get some action soon with Trowa, or with anyone else who happened to be around, he was in danger of falling into a Zero System-style madness. He already felt the urge to destroy a small colony coming on. 'Crap. I'll just get Rashid. He'll know what to do.' "Rashid!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.  
  
Maguanac #1 came running, exasperated. "What now, Master Quatre?" he inquired.  
  
"I need the keys to my room. Somehow Trowa managed to lock me out! Again!" Quatre cried.  
  
"Are you sure you want to bother him right now? He really needs his rest so he can recover-"  
  
"Yes I'm positive. Let me in there now! Don't you remember what happened the last time?"  
  
Rashid's eyes went wide with horror. "You mean the time you-"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But you couldn't...you wouldn't...you promised never to do that again!"  
  
"I will if I have to."  
  
"All right, you win. I definitely don't want that to happen again." Whatever they were talking about, something horrible had happened that went beyond words. All anybody knew was that it involved peanut butter, lawn sprinklers, and several copies of Reader's Digest. They'd had a hard time explaining things when the neighbors had called the cops, and of course, Quatre had made Rashid take the rap for him. And whatever the incident was, it had made the burly Maguanac deathly afraid of the small boy.  
  
*****  
  
Trowa's soldier reflexes automatically kicked in and he woke up as he heard the door open. No, it couldn't be...  
  
"I missed you sooo much, Trowa! We were apart for 10 whole minutes! I've never been so lonely in my life. I promise never to leave your side again." Quatre glomped onto him, exerting a near-fatal vicegrip.  
  
There was only one option available. 'Forgive me, Quatre.' he thought. Motioning to Rashid in pantomine, Trowa communicated his plan. Quatre. Tea. Sedatives. Sleep. Rashid nodded and hurried to the kitchen.   
  
"Hey, where'd Rashid go?"  
  
"He went downstairs to, um, bring up some tea for you. He'll be right back." Trowa assured him.  
  
A few minutes later, Rashid was back with the drugged tea. "Here, Master Quatre. Drink this. I'm worried you might be getting sick again."  
  
"How thoughtful of you. It's not really tea time, but I suppose just a little sip won't hurt." the Sandrock pilot took the cup and drank. "Mmm. Thank you. It's delicious-" he abruptly fell face forward, unconscious. Rashid threw him over his shoulder. "I'll put him in another room. Try and rest awhile. He should be out for about 12 hours."  
  
"Thanks, Rashid. This has been happening too much lately."  
  
As Rashid left with Quatre, Trowa leaned back. 'Alone at last...' he thought, and nodded off.  
  
*****  
  
Downstairs, in the living room, Heero, Duo, and Wufei were keeping themselves occupied. Duo had pulled out his collection of "Escaflowne" tapes and was now forcing the other two to watch. Since they wouldn't have any incoming missions until Trowa had recovered, and there was nothing better to do, Heero and Wufei were trying their best to pay attention and not fall asleep.  
  
Duo's eyes were huge and wobbly. "I just think that Van guy is sooo cute. He looks awfully familiar, don't you think so, Heero?" he cooed.  
  
Heero snorted. "I don't understand how you can just watch this garbage. A show about people fighting using giant robots? It's absurd. I don't know who would want to watch it."  
  
"It doesn't seem that dumb to me. What do you think, Wufei?" The only answer Duo received, however, was a wet, hacking cough. "Uh-oh. Wufei, you don't sound so good. Maybe we should take you to Sally Po and get you checked out. I think you might have mono."  
  
"Maxwell, there's no way I could possibly have mono. I'm not gay- I couldn't catch it from any of you, who screw like rabbits." the Chinese boy asserted.  
  
"There are other ways of catching mono besides kissing. Think for a minute. Did you use any of our dishes while we were sick? You could have picked up germs that way." Heero offered.  
  
"I might have used a cup or plate of yours by accident. I'm not sure."  
  
"Wait a minute. You used our dishes without even cleaning them? That's just gross." Duo blanched. "Why didn't you wash them first?"  
  
"Doing dishes is a woman's job." Wufei responded. "I was waiting for someone else to do them. Besides, a soldier has to learn to make do with what's available."  
  
"Didn't you realize that the rest of us were sick, and there was no one else around to wash them?"  
  
Wufei shrugged. "I just figured the Maguanacs would take care of it eventually."  
  
"Check their resumes. It specifically says 'no dishes'. It's the only thing they won't do. They always eat takeout, so they don't think it's fair they have to wash anyone else's dishes."  
  
"You're probably sick now as a result of your own carelessness." Heero was no help.  
  
"Ha ha, Wufei's got the kissing disease!" Duo taunted. "You know, I don't think I'll ever understand these 'straights'-"  
  
"Shut up!" Nataku's pilot ran off to pamper himself and wallow in self-pity.  
  
"He's finally gone, Heero. Now it's just you and me. What do you wanna do now?" Duo hinted suggestively.  
  
"I'm gonna go polish Wing."  
  
The American frowned. "Heero, you're no fun. Would you honestly rather be with your Gundam right now than with me?"  
  
"You want an honest answer?" Duo prepared himself for the worst. Instead, a second later, he felt Heero's lips pressed firmly against his.  
  
"Oh, Van!" Duo murmured, in between kisses. Heero pulled back and glared at him. "Did I say 'Van'? I meant 'Heero'. Sorry." he grinned sheepishly. Luckily, Heero was in a good mood, and showed his forgiveness to Duo without the use of words. 'Whew. That was a close one.' thought Duo.  
  
*****  
  
Meanwhile, in another room of the mansion, a pair of aquamarine eyes fluttered open...   
  
  
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OK great, you made it to the end of the story. Now you have to review it, otherwise you'll force me into a deep, devestating depression. Have I guilted you enough yet? Once again, Duo fans, please don't hunt me down. Quatre fans- I was just kidding around- I adore Quatre-sama...Relena fans, I refuse to apologize for anything, I'll just continue to laugh at you. Oh, and I have no idea what Quatre did to scare Rashid so badly, and frankly, I don't think I want to. Feel free to use your imaginations and supply your own explanation.  
  
Special thanks to my sis Qtpi123 for inspiration *glomps her in appreciation* Arigato!  
  
  
COMING SOON- back by popular demand! It's the Gundam Shorts OAV, "Endless Shorts"! 


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